To quote Adele....

...I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet. It really seems like another lifetime, to think just 2 years ago I was an active, able bodied, go-getter. Work, a sweet baby girl, and fun doing a multitude of outdoor activities, those were the things we thought about. No need for anxiety inducing thoughts of what will happen to our family when I die. We didn't have to plan for weeks of radiation, or plan for surgeries. Perhaps the simplest thing but one that affacts our everyday life is that I didn't need help with anything, and for me this is hard to come to grips with, not being able to do things that I once did without batting an eye, it's frustrating and demoralizing. I wish I could go back to the life we had, before I was diagnosed with terminal cancer in my bones.

But alas! We can't turn back time, so we forge ahead. This past week was a long one! I left home Sunday and drove to Sudbury. I had radiation Monday through Friday, to treat the new tumor growing at L2. I met with my oncologist, and we spoke of changing my treatment in light of the 2 new tumors I've developed (the one in my eye this summer and this one in my spine). One of the medications is not covered and will costs $700/month so now we're filling out all kinds of paperwork to try and get at least some of it covered. I also finally had my appointment with the pathologic orthopedic surgeon and he told me the right hip is broken again and so is the rod in my hip. Did you know you could break a metal rod? I sure didn't think it was possible, not unless there was a trauma...you know like a car accident or a fall from high up or something. My biggest offence is that I carried my son around a few times! I'm glad we know why I've been in more pain for the last couple months, and fortunately the surgeon thinks he can fix it so in 10 days I'll be having surgery again on my right hip. More planning, do we go as a family which means time off for Mike and Ellie, do I go alone (what if I don't make it out of surgery and my family isn't there, all together), I can't drive after the surgery so if we don't go as a family I have to get my mom to come pick me up. And afterwards when I come back, will I need more help? Should we plan for that?

Yes, I've forgotten how it felt before our world fell out our feet, and I miss it. I miss how easy it was, even if at the time it didn't seem to be.
Yellow and black radiation warning sign outside the treatment room
Here we go again


An xray of hips and femur with hardware
These hips don't lie

Hot air balloons painted on ceiling above radiation machine
Float on
My view during radiation

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