Everything hurts, and I'm dying...literally!

Self love selfie I had a revelation today, I've seen this "every body is a good body" thing, and it's had me thinking about body image. For my daughter's  sake (and my son) I point out how amazing bodies are, like that mine grew two babies. But if I'm being honest I've had a lot of trouble feeling many positive things towards my body. Let's face it, this body isn't scoring high on functionality, it's not as thin or beautiful as it once was, 40 lbs later and a bunch more scars, this menopausal vessel is not what I pictured for myself at the "ripe old age" of 32! But today I realized despite all that, that my body is keeping me alive through stage 4 metastatic breast cancer, allowing me more time with my loved ones, so I think maybe it is a good body. On top of that, even with the many bone tumors, I still healed successfully from a second hip surgery.  You see that? Even the bodies that kill you prematurely are good bodies. We...

When you dont have icing you use #nutella Happy Easter! I hope everyone is practicing #physical distancing, despite how hard it can be. Remember #stayathome #CANCERandCOVID Mama and baby bunny We have been in quarantine for what seems like forever 😆 And it's impossible to keep up with the messes! Those plans I had to be productive and finish little projects...not a super success. But, I read an article that said now is NOT the time to make projects of ourselves, so I'll try to go easy on myself. Maybe you want to go easy on yourself? She LOVES sprinkles! Despite being exhausted and sore I'm enjoying lock down. When I was diagnosed I imagined my family spending time together, I imagined us doing all the things we had said we would do when the kids were a bit bigger. Things like a road trip to the coast or travel to Europe, go to some iconic American location or even take a nice all inclusive trip somewhere warm.  A #bucketlist if you will. I was dis...

How is social isolation treating you? I keep losing track of the day/date, and at times my kids start to get a little too crazy for my sanity, but otherwise we're doing alright. We have admittedly watched far more TV than we should (the kids are lucky if they get 30 mins maybe 4x/week usually, but that's gone right out the window!) What kind of activities have you done to keep busy? Post a pic or leave a comment down below. Here kitty, kitty, kitty! We learned that Ellie loves Perler beads! And of course we have painted, and made lots of crafts. Ellie even made some claydough bunny sculptures of our whole family. We also had some sensory fun with kinetic sand, floam, playdough, silly putty...that was mostly for Aiden, but we all enjoyed it. COVID K-9teen & Rainbow Kitty We make sure to get some outdoor time every day, play soccer, splash in puddles, attempt a last few slides in the toboggan  before all the snow melts. Everybody loves jumping in muddy puddl...

Ok, this is about to get real, it may seem dark to some of you (fair warning) but I've got to get this out there. I was 23 years old the first time I as diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma of the left breast. I had been married just six months. I knew I wanted children for sure, but not right away. Doctors were great and advised me that if I wanted to have kids in the future I should preserve my embryos before starting treatment, which we did (I'm an ocotomom 🤣). And my oncologist did mention that IF my cancer ever came back it would not be treatable, and yes I was told choosing to have kids would be a risk that I assume. But here's the thing, at no point in my mind did I make a connection between not treatable and terminal. I just figured someday, when I was old, if it came back I would just have a double mastectomy, a hysterectomy/oophorectomy and be done with it. It wouldn't matter anyway because I'd be older, I'd be done nursing my kids, I'd...

This is Ellie's very first March Beak and I wanted it to be a memorable one. Amid all the stress of coronavirus isolation I decided a week in a hotel room with Mama couldn't hurt. Even better, Matante is joining us for our #GIRLS WEEK!  These are the moments I live for, the moments I hope Ellie remembers long after I'm gone (I'll take lots of pictures to help). We hit the road, Happy St-Pat's!🍀 Mama may have gone a bit nuts at the dollar store buying toys and books and games and snacks for a week of hotel isolation. I also made sure to bring everything needed to sanitize our room (done promptly on arrival), brought our own pillows and sheets, water bottles and lunch bags to pack snacks so we dont have to accept anything from a potentially infected person. And of course a personal hand sanitizer attached to the lunch box to sanitize before eating.   Our entertainement Our snacks  Our GIANT badminton Sadly the pool is closed due to COVID19, ...

In May 2018 doctors stabilized my right femur (where large tumors from the breast cancer spreading to the bone caused it to break) with the insertion of a metal rod and pins.  Just over a year later my femur fractured again so in November 2019 I had a second surgery. It's been 3 months now and I'm happy the second surgery appears to be healing better than the first. I do wish there would have been time to do the hemiarthroplasty with a bi-polar implant the first time but I know that wasn't an option. But now, I know the difference and my "new hip" is much better than the rod. PT last week said I was progressing well and I thought so too. But even this great progress is nowhere near the strength and mobility that I had just two and an half years ago. Cool, I can struggle enough to get both my socks on!(most of the time) But not that long ago I could run and jump, I could hike a mountain 9 months pregnant, I could flop down on the floor and just as easily h...

Aloha I loved Hawaii! What a great get away, with a wonderful group of women. What's not to love? Sunshine, lush scenery, good food, hot tubs and pools, it was an amazing vacation. How nice it was to take care of just me for a week. Nana and Papa kept Aiden while I was away. Daddy and Ellie spent some quality time together. It worked out perfectly. Feel the warmth hile in Hawaii I saw lots of families with small kids, and I started thinking about planning a family vacation. Where would we go? Hawaii was nice but I don't think 12+ hours of travel would be my first choice. What would we do for fun? We would have to find a destination that has activities for toddlers and preschoolers. Of course Walt Disney World comes to mind, it would be perfect, but that's a tad pricey.  If anyone has ideas of where to go for a fun family vacation with 2 young children let me know in the comments. Ohana This got me thinking, there should be a "make a wish" typ...