Trick or treat

Certainly not a treat, so is this a trick? I wish it were so simple! Despite my bone scan indicating the cancer was stable, my MRI shows a new loonie sized tumor at L2 (the lumbar spine, roughly where your ribs end). Now, for the 5th time in my life, I am preparing for a week of radiation treatments. This time I have to travel to Sudbury, 3 hours from my home, and stay Sunday through Friday. Six days I will be away from my family, and while it will be nice to sleep through the night (fingers crossed my insomnia allows me that luxury), and care for just me, I am going to miss them terribly.

This new tumor in my spine comes just a couple months after treating the tumor that grew in my eye. Developing new tumors while on treatment is never a good sign and the nurse in me can't help but feel like this is the beginning of the end. I shouldn't be surprised, I guess, it is after all a year and a half into a 3 year diagnosis. But when I think about how quickly this past year and a half went by I'm devastated at the thought that that could be all I have left. This is certainly no treat!

Tonight I will take my kids trick or treating for Hallowe'en, knowing it may be one of the last, hoping it's not.

The plan once I finish this next course of radiation, will be to change my chemo therapy in hopes that it will slow new tumor growth. With a terminal cancer diagnosis that's the best you hope for, slowed growth, because there's no chance of stopping it all together, there is no cure. I hope I will get more then a year and a half with my family, but I know this is not a battle I can "win", and that has me wishing this was all just a bad trick.

Pumpkin with a big smile
"Girl Pumpkin"

Ellie dressed as a black cat
MEOW

Aiden dressed as a purple butterfly
You're my butterfly, baby

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