Through the valley
A lot has happened over the past year. When I think back two, two and a half years, I'm saddened. I was active, we hiked and canoed and camped in a tent. We went ice fishing and treked across the frozen lake in winter. I wore my daughter in a wrap or carrier and shoveled our huge driveway, cooked and cleaned. I had no problem carrying her in her car seat with a diaper bag. I could lift her onto my shoulders in one smooth motion, and sitting on the floor to play with her was nothing.
Fast forward to present day and while I've made progress from when I first came home last May, my mobility is seriously hindered. The fracture in my humerus was left to heal on its own (surgery would mean major downtime and a permanent strength deficit, I wouldn't be able to lift more than 5 lbs! Not doable with a baby and a preschooler) so I can't lift my arm over my head, hell, I get stuck in my clothes when I'm undressing! The rod in my leg stops me from being able to rotate my leg outward, the way you do when you sit criss cross on the floor. It also aches all the time and my leg is now slightly shorter so I have a limp.
Mobility aside, there's the matter of pain. Yes, bone cancer hurts! The worst pain is through my pelvis and hips, it makes everything more difficult. Waking up to feed a baby in the night is torture, he already weighs 25lbs, lifting him from his crib is a challenge. Factor in that my pain medication is wearing off and I'm achy...I hate night feedings. Thankfully he's mostly sleeping through the night now.
I have to think about the good though...when I came home last May I was in a wheelchair. I couldn't walk without a walker and that was very painful and I could only do short distances. My arm was in a sling and holding my 6lb newborn baby was difficult. I needed a PSW to help me bathe and get dressed. I couldn't go downstairs to do laundry. The winter was long, my mobility not good enough to go walking through snow. But here I am, a year later, radiation and chemo have helped the pain in my arm. I've learned to deal with the limited range of motion. I can walk again and thankfully I no longer need help to bathe and dress (ok sometimes I need a little help dressing but my 3 yr old is great at putting on my socks!) Sitting on the floor to play is an undertaking, getting back up can be dicey, but I can do it.
I wish I was still the thin, able bodied woman I was 2 years ago. But I'm grateful for the progress I've made and what I AM capable of now.
Fast forward to present day and while I've made progress from when I first came home last May, my mobility is seriously hindered. The fracture in my humerus was left to heal on its own (surgery would mean major downtime and a permanent strength deficit, I wouldn't be able to lift more than 5 lbs! Not doable with a baby and a preschooler) so I can't lift my arm over my head, hell, I get stuck in my clothes when I'm undressing! The rod in my leg stops me from being able to rotate my leg outward, the way you do when you sit criss cross on the floor. It also aches all the time and my leg is now slightly shorter so I have a limp.
Mobility aside, there's the matter of pain. Yes, bone cancer hurts! The worst pain is through my pelvis and hips, it makes everything more difficult. Waking up to feed a baby in the night is torture, he already weighs 25lbs, lifting him from his crib is a challenge. Factor in that my pain medication is wearing off and I'm achy...I hate night feedings. Thankfully he's mostly sleeping through the night now.
I have to think about the good though...when I came home last May I was in a wheelchair. I couldn't walk without a walker and that was very painful and I could only do short distances. My arm was in a sling and holding my 6lb newborn baby was difficult. I needed a PSW to help me bathe and get dressed. I couldn't go downstairs to do laundry. The winter was long, my mobility not good enough to go walking through snow. But here I am, a year later, radiation and chemo have helped the pain in my arm. I've learned to deal with the limited range of motion. I can walk again and thankfully I no longer need help to bathe and dress (ok sometimes I need a little help dressing but my 3 yr old is great at putting on my socks!) Sitting on the floor to play is an undertaking, getting back up can be dicey, but I can do it.
I wish I was still the thin, able bodied woman I was 2 years ago. But I'm grateful for the progress I've made and what I AM capable of now.
 |
| One year later, Aiden's 1st Birthday! |
Comments
Post a Comment